I can't stop feeling a taste of rejection every time I look at the top of the page and see:
So like any crazed maniac, I have resorted to a list of scenario's that probably have nothing to do with the real reason there is no login change.
Scenario 1:
L. doesn't actually administer his own test results. It is his daughter. She seems to be more than savvy enough to manage getting her email on her phone, has clicked on my facebook post on a day I thought I was clever and posted some stupid status meant to be sarcastic. She has decided that nothing in my pictures is funny, it's all crazy and she does not want to tell her father that he has matched to a lunatic. She doesn't even bother logging in to see the Parent/Child relationship. She will "get around to working on the family tree" after the holidays. By then, I will have died of "mutilated finger syndrome" because I could not stop refreshing my browser in anticipation. Someone in my family remembers to put my death date in my family tree so my bio family will know I didn't live through the experience. Sometimes I even imagine L. and the sibs being kind enough to send flowers to my funeral.
Scenario 2:
L. knows I am here waiting to see him log on. One of my 4th cousins told my 3rd cousin who still has the phone number to my 2nd cousin that doesn't have a family tree, but she does have the family know it all as a mother that calls my first cousin who happens to have a non related cousin who is friends with my maternal cousin. They saw me post that I had my DNA tested because my cousin clicked the like button Then in the opposite direction, word got to L. that if it was too late to stop him from submitting his test, the least they could do is warn him to never log on to see that I am here waiting. "Maybe if you don't log in, she will think you don't really exist." I am more than a little frustrated with my cousin's friends now, and refuse to like their comments on her feed.
Scenario 3:
L. isn't real internet savvy. He forgot his password to his Ancestry account and when he tried to reset it, could not remember what his email address is. Amail, Bmail, Cmail.. who the heck wants to go through the alphabet trying to remember how to check their mail? He never gets on that doggone computer and when he does it does nothing but give him trouble. He may or may not have seen my message on facebook, but even if he did, he doesn't know how to look at my account from it, and furthermore is so frustrated at this point that he just deleted the dang thing and went fishing! That is an "online" he can handle.
So if a girl is going to go crazy, why not embrace it?
As a little girl, I used to imagine my mother coming through the door and telling my Grandmother that she wasn't really dead, she had to fake her own death to protect everyone. I am pretty sure that was too many soap operas running during playtime in the living room. Grandma did love her Young and Restless. I knew my mom was missing in my life and I was aware there was something wrong about that. My poor little mind tried to solve the problem over and over. My mother was every possible thing but gone forever. If I just waited long enough, she would come back to get me, eventually.
Eventually never happened and I grew up. I love Grandma for making her feel alive in the stories she told, or when she would say "You get that from your mom!" (She wasn't always nice when she said that.) There was never a father for me. When I asked her about him, she would tell me I just don't have one. I can't say I never had fantasies about finding him, but they were not very memorable and I don't remember "missing" him like I did my mom. I looked "just like my mom," I acted "just like my mom," I was "smart like my mom." She was very connected to my own identity.
So here I am, 49 years old and it's almost like that little 4 year old girl is reaching into my brain saying "See, I told you if you wait until you are big, you will see that Grandma was wrong." That 4 year old is making up stories and chattering away when I do dishes, or read a book, or run the vacuum. She is begging me to do something crazy to get his attention so he can read what we wrote. I gotta love her. She can be quite entertaining as long as I keep her contained in a story and not out there where she causes real mischief. I have between 18 and 32 days. This could get a little crazy before it gets better.
