Saturday, December 12, 2015

A New Note

I went to my favorite Chinese buffet a couple days ago.  Their hot and sour soup is so good.  It is just the kind of comfort food I want on a gloomy day.  After the meal I got my fortune.  It read:
Lucky #11, 14, 25, 36, 47

Like anyone who has to wait far too long for someone to respond, I pondered this as a sign of what to do.  Does that mean that as long as he is happy this will continue forever?  So I will have to take away his joy to get him to read his Ancestry messages?  Boy!  I hope not.  It says nothing about the joyfulness of a woman.  Did I get the wrong fortune again?  That is the story of my life!

Or is the important thing on this the numbers?  He will read his message on the14th or 25th, since the 11th passed and absolutely nothing changed.  This is why I hate vague prophecy theories.  I get my hopes or dread up and then when it doesn't come true, I am left thinking I am an idiot because I read it wrong.  Maybe the problem is that I read it.

I had a nice conversation with one of my foster sisters.  She is one of those people who has something nice to say when you really need to hear nice things.  It is important to keep those kinds of people in your life, by the way.  At times like these, you need them.  They help prop that chin up when hope starts draining out of your soul.

That last part, is referring to my Resume that I posted a few days ago.

I needed to read that.  I needed to believe that someone thinks I am a really good person and that I am not the jerk that would ruin lives for selfish reasons.  I needed to believe that I have something to offer these people that they don't know is missing.  It's kind of like having a seventh child.  People will say that you really don't need another one, but our lives would not be as complete without him.

So I decided to write a new note and put it in a Christmas card.

I am so happy that I have been able to discover new relatives on through DNA testing.  I hope you and yours have a wonderful Christmas.  I hope it is filled with all the joy and laughter that we will enjoy.  Merry Christmas!  Anna
You can mouse over the picture if you cannot read my writing
This is a suggestion I was given in the DNA Detectives group when I posted my dilemma concerning the reading of my message.

No one wants to ruin Christmas.  I don't want to ruin L's Christmas. I certainly don't want to ruin my siblings Christmas. I don't want to ruin my Christmas.  So I will send this and hope that it encourages the logging on of Ancestry, without being brutally invasive.

Really, all I want is to see that login status change.  After that, I can't say I won't eventually want to see some kind of final word about contact, but I could truly be ok with believing he is pondering his own methods of dealing with this.

This whole experience is a little surreal.  It feels like I am a ghost that is haunting them online, but they can't see or communicate with me.  I am able drift around looking for their electronic footprints and see where they have been and what they have been doing, but actual connection is impossible.

I looked at some of the pins my half sisters pinned on Pinterest.  We really do have quite a few hings in common.  They are country girls, like me.  They like making things.  I always thought that was my maternal side, but maybe there is a paternal element to it.

I do hope they have a Christmas filled with joy and laughter.  I mean that so sincerely.  I hope they post pictures in the public space so I can see it.  That would give me joy.


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